Does Size Matter?

My friend and I the other day
Were short of something more to say
We talked about the subject size
Don't look at me in such surprise
So we got into a huge debate
We talked until it got quite late
We had a very lengthy natter
About the claim that size does matter
He said that the press was full of lies
I looked at him with big brown eyes
He said he was in the right occupation
And that he would give a demonstration
That he was the man to prove the point
Come to my bedroom I will not disappoint
Please come upstairs and see my decoration
I could barely hide my anticipation
I was surprised but I wasn't scared
He took me to his room I stared
My face immediately began to crinkle
There in all its glory without a wrinkle
His wallpaper the subject of this chatter
You see he said that *size does matter
He taught me quite a thing or two
Next week I'm off to B&Q

©Marian Barker

*A thin, weak glue used in various trades (for those puzzled non DIY readers) What else did you think I meant?